Chew on this!


I was going to post something about my anti-racism training on Wednesday, but so much conversation has happened around it afterward that I was inspired to put up this. Hopefully I'll catch up with typing out my anti-racism training observations after my Women's Leadership training this weekend and next week. However, I thought maybe posting this would help me start off the conference on a good note!

P.S. This poster and clever shirts and stickers are available at www.oneangrygirl.net

Say Goodbye...

It's one of those times when I know I need to update, but I suddenly feel like I don't have anything to say. I guess I can comment on how crappy the weather has been lately (cold and rainy) and that I've been doing a lot of reading lately.

I should say that this month (man, April flew by in a hurry) I'm trying to organize about 8 weeks of fun activities for middle school kids over the summer. We're going to go to a ropes course, a minor league ball game, do a fundraiser - and what I'm most excited about - host a carnival for the A Child's World day camp kids, so our middle schoolers get to put on a fun day of water balloon tosses and finger painting for 6 year olds. It's going to be an exciting summer. I'm just hoping that more kids sign up for our program!

-And that we get our funding. This is the time of year when we're in a mad scramble to find the funding to keep our program alive for one more year -hopefully funding will be more solid after 2007. Right now I'm calling every civic organization and church group in town and asking them to pitch in some dollars.

When looking for funds, I tend to start out slow and then kick into over drive. I've taken on few extra fundraising projects at the same time. The organziation People Escaping Poverty Project - which I am on their board - is also constantly fundraising. One of the ways they get money is the Headwaters Foundation Walkf for Justice - which is in September, but watch for that because I'll be looking for sponsors. My goal is to raise $300 for PEPP. PEPP just got a 10k grant from Headwaters to start a Tenants Rights group hear in Moorhead, and we're really excited about it. (I feel like I'll have to explain more about this at a later date.) And Churches United for the Homeless needs a new coffee percolator, so I've made it my personal mission to find away for my church to come up with the money. Those are my side projects.

Highlights of the week: This week Wednesday I get to sit in on the Minnesota Collaborative Anti-Racism Initiative (MCARI) level 1 anti-racism training I helped to organize. Not really organize, but I was the point person who communicated with catering and reserved the rooms. I printed the nametags. (shut up! It wasn't easy. Word didn't have that particular template.)
So I'm looking forward to that. Then - starting Saturday I get to go to a NEW Leadership Conference for Women about bringing about positive change in the community - how to be an instigator, if necessary, but basically how to be a leader and influence things in the community for the better. It's at North Dakota State University and it's 5 days long. I'm excited about attending, but not too keen on staying in a dorm room. I'll let you know how it goes.

Finally - the bad news. Two things have happened recently to throw my entire live into upheaval! Or at least my comfortable pattern of existance: 1) school ended at Concordia - changing the gym schedule, screwing up my evening work out routine and making it more difficult for me to watch the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. 2) Tonight: is the Series finale of the WEST WING!! (now I don't even feel like I want to work out Sunday night - if the gym were open!)

I know, such an event deserves a post unto itself, but its still too fresh. Perhaps I will write something more about it soon.

Vital Stats:
Musical of the month: Mama Mia
Working out: at 5! (ug! there's nothing on tv)
The Daily Show: miss it!
The WEST WING: (sob)
Weather: >: (
Movies: I wrote in the newsletter for the church I've been going to - Anyone interested in a Da Vinci Code matinee Sat. the 27th followed by pancakes and discussion should contact me. We'll see if I get any takers.
Plans for the weekend: I'm going to be at a conference. Everyone call me this weekend so I'll seem like I'm really cool!
Recipes of weeks past: Greek salad as per Nicki's description, fennel basil salad with tofu and couscous, and a really worthwhile recipe for sundried tomato and asparagus fetticuine. This weekend I ordered a pizza.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

"You won't admitt you love me, and so
How am I ever to know,
You only tell me
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

A million times I ask you, and then
I ask you over again
You only answer
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps"

Ok, for those of you who've been talking to me on the phone, this post is at last the final answer to the most recent Brokeback Mountain conterversy plauging me, and therefore also plauging those who converse with me regularly. To those of you who don't speak to me regularly on the phone - I promise to try to make this my last post about Brokeback Mountain ...for a while.

The question has been, since I recently saw the movie again on DVD over Easter - in the scene where Jack goes to Mexico, a song is playing in the background in Spanish. I thought I recongized the song. (I would like it noted here for the record that one can be obsessed with a movie and just because you happen to know a song that happens to be in the movie is purely coincidence and doesn't necessarily make you a freak.)

After the scene I would find myself humming the Spanish song, and with shock I thought that Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps? Cake released a CD in 1995 on their album Fashion Nugget (which was a highly influential album for me in my 10th grade year and I really recommend it. For a while it was all we played in the high school journalism office. Perhaps... has special meaning for me because of that year and a prank involving an answering machine.)

It struck me too, that the lyrics are stunningy appropriate for that scene. If you don't know what I'm talking about see the movie again - and you should see the movie again no matter what. (C'mon, seeing a movie once is like not seeing it at all.)

"If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't want to wind up
Being parted Broken Hearted

So if you really love me, say Yes
And if you don't, dear, confess
But please don't tell me
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps"

My intense research has revealed that the song Quizás, Quizás, Quizás was written by Osvaldo Farrés in Cuba in 1947 and recorded by Nat King Cole in 1958, therefore making it non-anaronistic to the film (we call that "Period") and rerecorded by Cake in '95.

If you're interested in this it's easy to find a direct translation of the lyrics online. Posted here are the English lyrics as Cake sings them.

Being someone who cares about movies and loves, LOVES, when a film is done well, I hope this new knowledge of the lyrics to the incidental Spanish song brings you to deeper understanding of the charcter and closer to the message of the film.

I don't think it's a mistake that the lyrics reflect so well the character's state of mind and situation. As a friend said to me recently while embroiled in this discussion "everything in a good production is a choice." So you film and theatre fans who want to shrug at me and say to yourselves - "Man, she needs to get over it!" (and I do) is it possible that what's playing in the background in that scene has no impact on the greater movie? Could it be that I am over-analyzing this?

"Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps"

But I feel better knowing and sharing that knowledge with you.

You are Ennis Del Mar. Fair, strong, and willful, you take time to consider your decisions and you stand by what you believe in.

It had to happen....
Among all the things I've wasted my time doing today, I finally found the What Brokeback Mountain character are you? quiz that I (ahem) approve of. Even so, it's not very good, so someone should show me how to make quizes on this machine and I'll make you a quiz that will knock you flat on you're, well, you know.
Also, you can guess that I scored 100% correct on the How Obsessed are You with Brokeback Mountain quiz - and the person who wrote it doesn't know how to spell Alma.

Just so you know - I'm probably nowhere near done with this topic, but I will move on because this is going to be a subject of much discussion for probably, say...the rest of my life.

Vital Stats (I'll try and keep it brief and update more frequently)

River Report: the river crested the Wednesay after my last post and we didn't get as much rain as expected so all's well. Now it's a matter of mobilizing volunteers to take down the sandbags.

Weather Report: Gorgeous and sunny! A little windy and chilly if you're outside without a jacket but BEAUT-IEFUL! Like butter!

After School Program: Over for the school year! Aww! I'm going to miss those kids, but I've got a little over a month to figure out what's going on next year - and pull together the summer program! Oi vey!

What else am I doing: Community Organizer training with the People Escaping Poverty Project...it's really exciting/interesting. I'll have to tell you more about it some time.

Musical of the Month: Jesus Christ Superstar! Duh!

Easter: Went home and saw my mom and brothers and spent a little time with the puppies. Talked politics, movies, movies and movies, it was good.

Train Status: Dropped me off in Fargo at 4 a.m. this morning!

Movies I'm looking forward to: Da Vinci Code, X3, Pirates 2, and Thank You for Smoking. Right now no solid plans to see any of them.

Recipe of the weekend: Oh, I don't know but I recently experimented with Sam's Enchilada recipe and modified it to include spinach, brocoli, tomatos, peppers, shallots, corn and some black beans. It actually worked too! They were quite tasty!

Oh in other news: My Peace Corps application has been submitted. So in about a year from now I should (hopefully) be getting stationed somewhere?

Got something to say? Sure you do! Post a comment!

(here's a picture of me from a couple months ago. I have to post it on here so I can put it on my profile. Actually, I don't look like this now because I dyed my hair RED with magic henna, but it's been losing color rapidly. I bought this shirt in Fargo just before Christmas. Do you like it? Funny, because I'm wearing it right now.)

The River is Rising!

I got an excited call from my supervisor on Friday because the Red River is flooding, as I understand it does every year, but when she said she wanted my help coordinating a Concordia College Flood Response I didn't know what to think. My first thought was that houses were under water. This has not been the case yet, though I was told the river has gone up three feet a day and is expected to crest at 37 feet on Wednesday - which is 3ft less than it was during the Flood of '97 which I learned in Hurricane Relief training was serious business.

So, we're not dealing with houses under water yet, just trees, parks, baseball fields, one basketball court that I saw with the water up to the headboard and one bridge submerged. Students are mobilizing to fill sandbags and help homowners dyke their property. Roads are closed and the city is putting up dykes in the street to stop the water from coming into town. That's the good news.

The bad news is it's supposed to rain. It was supposed to rain all day yesterday but it didn't, but it's raining now and we don't know when it will stop or how high the river is going to get - so we keep our fingers crossed and our phones on and wonder right now if classes will be canceled tomorrow so students can go out and help homeowners prepare to deal with rising water.

Personally I'm sick of rising water. I saw that basketball hoop today and I didn't expect to be so affected by the image - but I've seen a lot of crazy stuff this year, and I haven't yet written a post about my Mississippi trip.

Also this weekend I was on a board retreat for a nonprofit in town. I'm on the board of the People Escaping Poverty Project which does a lot of really cool grassroots organizng around issues that affect people in poverty and mobilizng them towards change. I'm really proud to be part of this organization and wish I could stay in the community longer so I could contribute more, but I learned a lot this weekend about strategic planning, framing issues, fundraising and more. I get to go to PEPP organizer training for three Saturdays in April and I'm really looking forward to learning a lot there.

All in all it was a busy weekend - but I also managed to finally hammer out those Peace Corps application essays! I hope to send in my application within the next week. Now I'm tired and hungry and doubtful I can make it to the grocery store and back before it's time to work out and watch The West Wing - so I'm just updating the ol' blog to say look for an upcoming Vital Stats April.

And Brokeback Mountain comes out on DVD Thursday. If you don't hear from me for a while you know why.

I am the Great and Powerful OZ!

That's THE WORD on the Colbert Report I-don't-know-when-but-it-was-on-last-night. Check it out. I'm not remiss to be posting Colbert Report clips because I've still outposted The Daily Show. And this is some brilliant political comedy writing! Pay attention to the Colbert Report and pay attention to The Word!

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_colbert_report/index.jhtml

What does it take to get me to update my blog these days?

Sorry, I haven't updated in so long. Luckily it's laundry week! Where was I last laundry week (two weeks ago)? I was coming down from returning from my second trip to the Gulf Coast - what an experience - and it was too soon to write anything. Also while I was doing my laundry I was on the phone.

So you'll have to bear with me as I post a bunch of random musings. It's been so long I can hardly still comment on the academy awards which I had so looked forward to (and went pretty much exactly as I'd expected). But I will say the Oscar Goes to George Clooney for best acceptance speech.

Happy Anniversary! to me. I'd hoped to publish this sooner on my blog because it is something very special to me. March is my 1 year anniversary of being a vegitarian! Something I'm very proud of because for a long time I didn't think I could do it. While it's been a year, with a few mistakes but mostly successes and I'm very happy with myself. I recently learned that Monday March 20th is The Great American Meatout (www.meatout.org) It's also the First Day of Spring, and it would mean a lot to me, if you're interested if you decided to not eat meat at all for one day and see how it is. I'm not saying everyone has to become a vegitarian because I don't want that - for my sake. It's a personal decision. But if you choose to not eat meat for a day - in honor of the meatout, in honor of my anniversary or in honor of anything at all - I would be honored.

Vital Stats
The musical of the month is neither a musical or a month, but I've been listening to the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack a lot lately so, so should you.

After School Program : Going good! Working hard on figuring out how the program will be sustained next year, and trying to make sense of how we run the summer program.

Recipe of the weekend: Actually it's Garlic and Herb flavored Gormet Dog Buscuits. I made a treat to send to my brother's puppies back home. I still smell like garlic.

Transamerica
I'm not one for reviewing every movie that I see, but this one craved two comments. Look out - spoiler alert! For the most part I enjoyed it a great deal and I wish that Felicity Huffman could have one the Oscar, but didn't see Walk The Line so there you have it. Two things about this movie slightly offended me though.

• The young man about to discover that his father is a preoperative transexual has been working as a street hustler - having sex with men for money. He later moves into the gay-porn arena. The boy's sexuality is never touched on in the film - and that's what bothers me. Not that it matters. I know that a person can sell sex to members of the same sex and not be gay - but the film doesn't make that point to the audience. Maybe it's not all that important but I feel like the point could have stood being made, especially since the young man is also the victim of sexual abuse - which makes it even easier to sell sex since he sees it merely as a way to make money, not as an emotional interaction between two people in a relationship. I suppose anyone interested in seeing this movie probably doesn't need all this explained to them, but I felt it could have been another educational element of a film which already does so much to humanize and bring to light people of trans experience and other-than-manstream-sexual-experience.
• However, here's what really bothered me: If you're trying to be a supportive parent and build a relationship with an estranged child and you find out said child is working in the Porn industry - and you don't want to alienate them further by yelling at them - hence "trying to build a relationship" - the first thing out of your mouth should be ARE YOU BEING SAFE?! Am I crazy to think we can't afford to miss an opportunity to talk about safe sex? Especially for those acting in porn! This is important! And it's something a supportive parent would ask. It's neither a condemnation nor is it a free pass to all the filmed gay sex one can make a profit off of - it's a serious issue and something that deserved to be mentioned. CONDOMS, people! Condoms. Whether you're in pornos or not, but especially if you are in pornos!

Random Thought: Last weekend I was standing at a salad bar - after I saw Transamerica and I though about a scene in which the father/mother and son couple pick up a hitchhiker who claims to be a vegan. Normally I'm against picking up hitchikers but it occured to me - if you knew your passenger was a vegitarian would that make it easier? I think a vegitarian is a lot less likely to murder you in cold blood. That's just my opinion - but it brings me back to where I started!

Post comments! I love comments and I never get them!

In Praise of Brendan Fraser

Now I don’t usually update my blog on Wednesdays but I’m leaving for my conference in Minneapolis later today. You might have forgotten I was Looking Forward to: This conference because my Vital Stats entry for the month of February has mysteriously disappeared!

However, (if you’re my friend) you won’t have forgotten that the Academy Awards are coming up March 5th – and my life is pretty crazy up until then (with going to Minneapolis, coming back, going to Mississippi and all that) and this is one of those years I can get pretty crazy about the Academy Awards (I think the last time I really cared was the year ROTK was nominated for everything – and won!)

But in the run up to the awards, I’d like to take a moment to appreciate an actor who to my knowledge has never been nominated for an academy award, but has given us some really good work: Brendan Fraser.

I know what you’re saying, - Brendan Fraser, yeah we’ll always remember him from Encino Man. But wait a minute! The guy’s done some good stuff. Forget about George of the Jungle. Forget about Looney Tunes Back in Action and definitely forget about Monkey Bone!

Brendan Fraser has been really good in some movies, and has done his share of, if not controversial, let’s say socially conscience roles. He’s part of the ensemble cast of Crash, nominated for Best Picture (and winner at the SAG awards). He was in School Ties (with Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and let’s not forget Anthony Rapp), and a bad film version of Twilght of the Golds, (but he was good in it.) I myself am rather partial to With Honors, also staring Joe Pesci – that’s a good movie!

And I almost forgot about Gods and Monsters!

I saw Brendan Fraser on stage in the west end in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. He played Brick opposite Ned Betty’s Big Daddy, with hair plugs– now, I love Cat on a Hot Tin Roof as much as the next guy and he wasn't stellar, but he had good moments, and good moments are what you need (probably) for movies. For not being a stage actor, I was satisfied.

So, before we forget what making and watching films is all about and get all competitive and argumentative about who’s the best (-don’t have anyone in your life to argue movies with – call me) I just want to take a moment to appreciate the work of one talented actor out there: Brendan Fraser. Maybe he’s not the best actor working, certainly not the most recognized, but he has done good work and some of it has moved me. And I appreciate it.

Despite our best intentions...
sometimes we just have to listen to what our bodies tell us they need. For instance, I thought I was going to work until 6:30 every night this week and then go work out for an hour. That didn't happen. Instead on Monday my body was telling me that it was much more important that I go home and eat spaghetti than work out, since I'd seen the Daily Show episode for that day already anway. And I should also have an Erbert and Gerberts sandwhich for lunch. With Cheetos.

Clearly I was going to have one of those weeks where I feel the urgent need to eat anything I get my hands on, whether I'm hungry or not. Plus anything you mention to me becomes an instant craving. Tuesday I had a pint of Ben & Jerry's for supper (and the only Ben & Jerry's I could find was Vanilla Heathbar. Given my current raging obession with Heath Ledger, clearly this is God thinking she's funny!) And last night my inner college student that will never completely go away ate free cheese pizza until I thought I was going to be sick!

The point to all of this is - sometimes your body knows what it needs. I used to have a week like this exactly once-a-month. Now I haven't had one in probably more than a year. I think it's good for someone who excercises regularly (or tries to) to take a week off and catch up on junk food and sleeping on the couch. Or if not, what I'm trying to say is I'm not going to feel bad about my abberant behavior this week, not because I'm a woman - not for any reason. In fact precisely because I'm a woman is why I choose to feel good about it! Because if my body tells me it needs Ben & Jerry's, Ben & Jerry's it shall have!

Now, if you don't mind. I'm going to go home and spend sometime with a heating pad watching The Shawshank Redemption.

End Radio Silence

I just got off the phone with Verizon Wireless because last night, being the 2nd of the month I thought I'd go crazy and place a call to Natalie (Natalie doesn't read blogs so I can call her names and stuff her like Natalie Watalie...) when I was told my phone had been suspended...Meaning someone at Verizon through the massive switch turning off all my calling privleges!

But rest assured my good friends who have been trying to call me every night at 9:00 I'm sure for the past two days, I had them turn it back on. They're so crazy there at Verizon. Everytime I call they're like "Nicole called us and told us you're not supposed to be using her phone," and I'm like "That's impossible!" and they're like "no she called on Jan. 28th" - "No that was ME!"

So confusion abound, but now it should be settled. Thankfully! Whew!
But wait? Why haven't you been able to call me for two days if I just found out my phone was shut off last night? Well, that's because my good friend Chris and her bf Dave, stopped by on their way to Seattle and I had my phone off all night while cooking them dinner and going out for a beer. It was a fun night, and Chris-with the power of the allmighty laptop-showed me some really funny internet cartoons! A good time was had by all I hope.

So I met Dave! He does exist. Or if he doesn't, our little Chris is into some powerful witchcraft!

I'd like to thank the Academy...

I would like to say that this is my last post about Brokeback Mountain, however I can make no such promises.

8 Academy Award nominations! Eight! That's huge! Count them with me: Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Original Score, Best Screenplay Adaptation, Best Director and BEST PICTURE!
(I would like to add a nomination for best use of Randy Quaid)

Now, my money is on best Best Screenplay Adaptation hands down, and also best director. I'm thrilled that they were nominated for Best Picture, but I don't expect it to win. The awards are, after all very political and I don't believe the country is ready to make Brokeback Mountain best picture. I wouldn't be sad if Crash won.

The thing that gets to me is that there are still so many douche bags out there in who won't go see this movie becaue they're afraid of what it might be. (And I'm not going to name states - because they're everywhere.) And it's unfortunate they won't see it because their fears might be confirmed (fear of what? I'm not sure. That they might empathize with people who love each other perhaps?) but probably not. It's just a damn good movie. I agree with Sam who said it's possible to read your own views on homosexuality into the movie, and Christianity Today agrees with their startlingly honest review (and disapointingly stupid comments on said review).

I think some people don't know what to do with these characters because they're so masculine and until now homosexuality has been defined for some people by Queer Eye and Will & Grace. So don't challenge yourself and see it. But, agendas aside - it has no agenda; It is a haunting love story and an equally haunting look at our own history. A history so recent it can hardly be called history. So recent I can see it when I look back to high school.

So to all you douch bags out there who've been up on your soap box about this film - as long as your on your soapbox over there, I'm going to be up on mine, singing the praises (and shortcomings) of this film. (One thing I'm grateful for - no excessive foley like in Angels in America. I think you know what I'm talking about...).

Ok, I'm sorry I called you a douche bag. But I hope and pray that someday you'll find it within yourself to open your mind enough to JUST SEE THE MOVIE AND STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THINGS YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN! Because I'm singing the praises of this film, and the Academy is singing with me. And when I sing the loudest it sounds like this: Love is a force of nature! Got it?

I almost don't want to post it...but you know I'm going to.

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/dan_bakkedahl/index.jhtml
Check out "Domestic Pardners"

Recipe of the weekend: rosemary & garlic mashed potatos. Don't have a recipe yet, but I will find one. I finally finished the left over red beans and rice!

I'm a Goddess

I've been meaning to update my blog for a while now and this seems like the best way to do it. I appreciate everyone who posted their forms on their blogs so I could see what the other results on the quiz were without taking it a bunch of times.

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life. She cried a single tear and shed a single drop of blood upon the earth where she buried it. From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek), Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).The Goddess is associated with the concept of creation, the number 1, and the element of earth. Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic individual and people are drawn to you. Although sometimes you may seem emotionally distant, you are deeply in tune with other people's feelings and have tremendous empathy. Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your own self. Goddesses are the best friends to have because they're always willing to help.

Ok, this is Laura talking again. Here's the link to the quiz, although I don't know how to link it all nice and pretty. http://quizilla.com/users/donarepa/quizzes/Which%20Mythological%20Form%20Are%20You?/

For those of you keeping score, last weekend's recipe of the weekend was Taco Bell. (mmm, Seven Layer burritos.) Unfortunately I've found myself indulging quite often and I think that's the reason my face has broken out so horribly as of late. I'm actually wearing concealer today! The weekend before the recipe was none of your business! Someone's getting a surprise!

I went to see Brokeback Mountain again on Saturday. I went with a woman in her 80's I met through Bible Study at the UCC Church I attend. She brought her "friend" Jim, also in his 80's and the two recently got engaged. I think it's a little slice of Heaven that I met these people and got to see this movie with them. How cool is my life? I saw Brokeback Mountain with a church couple in their 80's! Doesn't that rock your feeble clerk world?

Oh Sweet Hell!

Brokeback Mountain among other things

My long wait was finally ended last Friday; nearly a week ago, and yet it’s taken me this long to collect my thoughts and post something here. Know that inside I have been keening since I saw it.

Mostly I can say that I agree with Sam (except that Anne Hathaway plays Jake Gyllenhaal’s character’s wife. Michelle William’s character is married to Heath Ledger’s character.)

I was glad to hear from reviews and other people who’ve seen the movie that this is the kind of film that stays with you – you find yourself thinking about it days later, and in some cases randomly crying. I’ve heard it described as haunting, and now I know it’s not just me because I do become singularly obsessed with things.

While I was absolutely impressed with the stellar performances of the lead men (and women) I have to stay what struck me the most was the film’s writing. Having read the short story (stupidly) I knew what was coming much of the time because the movie is so accurate to the story – which isn’t that long! I was mostly blown away by how characters who don’t say a whole lot can reveal so much in every line of dialogue. The subtle double meaning of some of the lines would occur to me much later and give me shivers.

After seeing this movie there is much to think about. My mom was telling me reviewers in newspapers are trying to describe it as not a “gay cowboy movie” or not a gay movie at all, but a film about two people in a relationship – who happen to be gay men. I wonder if it’s even that. The characters certainly don’t identify themselves as gay. More than a topical film about sexuality, or identity – I walked out of the theatre asking myself a more basic question “What is love?”

I can say that I love the film’s tagline “Love is a force of nature” and as someone who’s had experience dealing with the aftermath of the forces of nature in the past year – I have no problem with the comparison. One of the most shocking things about the film as a whole is the violence – and in more than one way, but I feel this tagline is especially appropriate because these two people come together violently.

“When despair grows in me and I wake in the middle of the night at the least
sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go lay down
where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron
feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with the
forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. For a time I rest
in the grace of the world and am free.”

- The Peace of Wild Things, by Wendell Berry.

This quote is part of a “meditation” I prepared for a meeting before Thanksgiving. Coming back to it now, I can’t help but be reminded of Brokeback Mountain and all the beautiful scenes of nature. I think about what it means if love is force of nature. I think about Heath Ledger’s character Ennis who spends his life “in the forethought of grief” and, unfortunately, not without reason. And I sorrow at what some human beings do to other human beings.

Earlier this week I attended a community advocacy training session on GLBT issues – or so it was called. It was an organizers meeting for people interested in the Together Minnesota campaign to stop the state from amending its constitution to basically deny anyone who’s not married any rights similar to the rights of legally recognized couples (I’m not exaggerating.) I was sad to learn that Minnesota has a better chance of keeping this off their ballot in ’06 than my dear home state of Wisconsin.

At the meeting, I was in the process of freaking out over Heath Ledger on the cover of the January issue of The Advocate. (I got my copy free!) and a woman turns to me and says “Have you seen it yet?” No need to explain what we’re talking about. Not in this room. “Yes!” “My wife and I cried for 40 minutes after the movie.” To which I responded “I will never be the same.”

All fondness for hyperbole aside, I believe that is true.

I thought I would include more “issue” material in this post. I tried to write a moving review/editorial that would inspire us all to get more involved in creating change. Or maybe just to get more in touch with the beautiful thinking feeling human beings we are – but if I’ve not succeeded already this post is altogether too long. And if I can’t do that, the best thing I can do is tell you to see the movie and/or read the story which ends with the line

“…but Jack had never asked him to swear anything and he was not the swearing kind.”

The 2nd best thing I have to offer: Friends, ACTORS or not actors, if you’re reading this blog, read this article: http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid23334.asp (if you don’t I’ll find you and nail it to your head.)

Vital Stats

January
Musical of the Month: Into the Woods - not that I spend any time listening to it because my portable CD player just crapped out on me.

After School Program: Starting up again on the 30th. We're recruiting new college student mentors and training them this month.

Working on: All of that and my quarterly report.

Sky: Gray

Snow: another 6 inches the night before I got back from break - but little precipitation lately. It would distract too much from the gray sky.

Reading: The Fellowship of the Ring. (Gandalf decided to lead us through the mines of Moria. It's scary but as long as Gandalf's with us we're fine. He's a great leader.

Movies, most recent: Narnia. Overall I give it a good review! Wish I could have seen it with friends and/or with my mom who read the book to me.

Brokeback Mountain: Seeing it this Weekend!

Phone: Turn it on every night at 9:00. Call me!

Recipe of the Weekend: Red beans and rice in the crockpot - not a real recipe, I'm just making it up.

Happy Holy Days!

Another link for your enjoyement, courtesy of Peter Graening.
http://thinkprogress.org/2005/12/14/silent-night-fraud/

My meditation on the meaning of Christmas comes in response to the thoughts of Bill O'Reilly and a gentlemen I overheard at in the Kmart parking lot who said to his friend "A happy Hanukkah to you, because you know we're not allowed to say Merry Christmas!"

My first response was to feel sorry that this poor man is going through life without the knowledge that he is a jackass. Until I remembered something an intelligent woman told me recently. She said Christians can celebrate Hanukkah if they want to because the Old Testament is part of Christian tradition.

She also told me why she feels "Happy Holidays" is the most appropriate thing to say at this time of year; because Advent is the season of waiting. Insteading of rushing through Advent, happy holidays refers to Advent, Christmas and Epiphany (and/or anything else you want it to refer to).

In other news, I'm saddened by the recent death of actor John Spencer, who played Leo McGarry on The West Wing. Leo was a sexist, homophobic, millionare white man in power, and my favorite character. That should speak a lot for the many endearing traits John Spencer brought to the role. I admired him as an actor for his honesty about his alcoholism and recovery one of the things actor and character shared in real life. In a way, I feel as though I've lost a friend. I believe he, like his character, was a good man and too often I feel that those words are oxymoronic. Leo was going to be a great Vice President! John Spencer will be missed!

That's all for now! Shalom!

(p.s. Last week I was too upset about not seeing Brokeback Mountain to include a recipe-of-the-weeekend, and indeed I was too out of it for that very reason to eat last weekend or even clean myself. This week the recipe is on of my favorites: Red Lentil Curry. If I haven't given it to you yet, ask for it. Plus I've got to boost my iron levels so I can donate blood. Figs and red lentils all around! PEACE!)

Not feeling persecuted enough? Watch "Secular Central" http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/most_recent/index.jhtml

Deny, Deny, Deny

I've been planning on seeing Brokeback Mountain since the day I found out about it sometime in September. You may remember my crushing disapointment after rushing out and reading the short story by Annie Proulx and then thinking bemoaning "Now I know how it ends have to wait until December to see it realized on the big screen!" Or perhaps I shared with you my excitement at seeing the trailer on the big screen when I saw RENT (the first time I saw this particular trailer larger than the size of my computer monitor.) But at last December 9th has arrived and I must wait no longer.

Or so I thought. Yesterday I went to look up showtimes and found not only is Brokeback not coming to my local theatre- It's only playing in NY and LA! Why? What's with the assumption that we here in very close proximity to Fargo North Dakota don't want to see a movie that's a love story between two male cowboys? Honestly! What is with this country? Apparently the thought is only people in NY and LA can handle a film that I guarantee is going to be tame compared to what a real NY and LA film should be - AND that kind thinking only reinforces to people in places like Fargo that they're not going to like the movie, which I think if the movie were in theatres here would find them proven wrong.

I reject the notion that only people in metropolitan areas can handle a film with gay content, and I think the fact that this story takes place in Wyoming is a testament to that.

Just last weekend I attended a very classy party with lots of adults who were talking about this movie (thanks to some free publicity provided by yours truly). It was a hot topic! What is this going to do to Heath Ledger's career? Who cares? Did you hear Heath Ledger gets naked? (who cares?) and Did you know that James Dean was bisexual?

I've spoken to college student Heath Ledger fans who will appreciate this movie (perhaps not on the same level as myself) but they would get their 8 dollars worth. But I guess the people at Focus Features don't want their 8 dollars or my 8 dollars for that matter because they just want to keep their shit in NY & LA! Well that makes me not want to give them my 5 dollars and fifty cents (who am I kidding, I can't afford to see it if its not a matinee) but I'm going to give it to them anyway! Why? Because Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal deserve it!!

On top of that: Queer Eye is doing a first ever Month Of Weddings! without a hint of irony! I nearly threw myself from balcony when I heard that!

Here's a link for any straight guys reading this who might need some hand-holding now that they've been introduced to the content of Brokeback Mountain.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10342237/from/ET/
If you're not straight or not a guy or none of the above read it anyway if you could use a good laugh, because he makes a good point at the end.

In closing I'd like to wish a Happy Hanukkah to Bill O'Reilly.

Vital Stats

December
Musical of the Month: RENT (I could say because it ties takes place on Christmas and ties to themes of poverty that I'm working with, but no - it's because I saw the movie and if I ever get over guys singing together - I don't want to know me.)

After School Program: Winter has gone uncelebrated due to snow days and now we're on hiatus for a while

Working on: researching anti-racism trainings (and hopefully getting it done)

Snow: they predicted 10 inches, but I think we got closer to 12

Driving a van: Once. Got it stuck in a drift. The roads are icy.

My Birthday: the 14th

Wish List: We won't go there

Movies
Most recent: Return of the King
Want to see: Good Night and Good Luck (and RENT again!)

Dec 9: Brokeback Mountain and Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

Going Home: the 23rd

Recipe of the Weekend: Potato and leek soup (soup seems like the thing to make after a snow storm.)